Saturday, March 7, 2020

Finding the Light

When you have walked in darkness, finding the light is hard. 2020 started in the darkness. I was lost. I don't know what brought on the depression. I just know it was there. It actually took me days to recognize it for what it was.

My daughter, my mother, and a few of my close friends were worried about me. I was sleeping 14-16 hour of my day. My days and nights were backward. I had no motivation. Things I love to do...write, crochet, they were not being done. I was dragging myself out of bed and taking up residence in my recliner chair. I breezed through reruns of NCIS-the first 15 seasons, Criminal Minds the first 13 seasons. I have no idea what else as I was really only half listening to any of them.

I tried writing and mailing letters but it became a chore and I wasn't keeping up. Get up for church on Sunday morning...why? I could pick up my Bible and read it anytime. There are at least three or four close to my chair.

I was reading. All the books I haven't gotten to yet. I've read a couple on the Holocaust, knowing those poor souls endured things I could not even imagine.

I did manage to get my alphabet book illustrated. But I still have no website. I cannot list build, I cannot offer courses, I cannot be on podcasts without a website. It has been in the works since May, 2019. It was supposed to be up and running December 5th. Then it was postponed to January 12th. Well, it's March the third month of the first quarter of 2020. I still have no website. I am frustrated.

I was frustrated in December when my then publisher threw me under the bus after 8 years. No explanation, just left me high and dry with four books ready to come out in 2020.

Finally, I decided to see my doctor. Thank you, Megan Kline. I might not have done it without your courage. I am off depression medications. I am seeing a therapist, so hopefully I will never get to this point again. I am slowly coming into the sunlight. Figuratively as well as physically. The last week of February saw me out of the house 5 out of 7 days. The first week in March has not seen me out as much, but I have been out. I am not where I want to be yet. I am working on it.

Soon, I will be taking a short trip to Michigan.  I am looking forward to it. I will back home again in May to see my stunning granddaughter graduate from MSU. I am planning a trip to visit friends in SC before summer hits. I am working with the other person in my mastermind group to get a website up. One that I can manage when we are done. One that will allow me to offer products for writers and writing programs as well as purchase my books directly from me. They can even be personally autographed. I am learning how to market my books and products so I can bring in more sales.  I have a meet the local authors book signing in April. Where I will be taking pre-sales of the alphabet book.

Things are looking up. I have walked, crawled, and struggled to find my way back. I will overcome the obstacles I face and be stronger for it.

I belong to a tribe of people who uplift me daily and most of the time they don't even know it. I am fortunate to have found them. They are a new and bigger life. One to be lived to the fullest.

I'm even writing again. I am contemplating putting together a bookcase this afternoon so I can get rid of some boxes in my house.

Hope all are well.


My laptop has been at full capacity for the past two weeks. It's nice to be consistently writing again. It's been hit or miss for...